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Nr. 1: Sacrifice your authentic self for social recognition. Buy into group think mentality in order to fit in. Adopt someone else’s model of life and “success” before figuring out your own life values and principles. And our social model is so built that you have no other chance but to fall in line or pay the price.
As a child you may have an interest in music, or writing, or arts and crafts, but you are told that you can’t make a career from your passion, and that music or writing won’t pay the bills, so you are guided by your well-intended parents to drop your “fantasy” and pick up a well-paying profession, like a doctor or a lawyer.
At school you don’t have a chance either. Even if you excel in one particular area, you still have to swallow the rest of the curriculum and get good grades in all of them if you want to be accepted into a good university preparing you for the profession you were not cut out for to begin with. And so, helped by parents and school, you enter headstrong into your first identity bleaching phase of your life.
Nr. 2: Choose your work environment that thrives on self-sacrifice and inauthenticity
Since your social identity was built on self-neglect and self-sacrifice in order “to make it”, to get your degree and professional qualification in an area you have no talent or real interests, to avoid being reminded of your self-betrayal, to avoid your Jiminy Cricket trying to tell you that you are on the bus to nowhere and you must get off asap to avoid being taken to the Pleasure island, you must surround yourself with equally driven, hard working professionals who have no time to meddle in the obscure science of Self because they are too busy climbing the ladder to nowhere.
The higher your aim, the more sterilised of your identity you’ll become until you reached the status of a “true professional”.
Have you noticed that when you speak to a “professional”, you don’t speak to the human but to a uniform, an avatar of that industry? It’s hard to find the human behind the role. It starts with HR or the recruitment agents which are atrociously poor at human psychology, communication, and dare I say, are of a below average intellect.
Have you ever been interviewed and you answered a question before they asked it, but they still read if from the paper and asked you to answer it again “because is part of the interview process?” I have, and it’s a brain freeze moment. You realise that the lights are on but there is nobody home.
Nr. 3: Marry in your ranks. ‘Marry for money and success not for love, because love doesn’t last’. A lot to unpack here and not for today’s post, but I will point to one crucial fallacy in this truism.
Love doesn’t last if by “love” you mean the sexual attraction and its 18 months of novelty endorphins and dopamine high. And “love” definitely doesn’t last if by love you mean entering the same soul-selling transaction of sacrificing your inner truth and freedom for outside validation and rewards. I put you first, you have to do the same for me. I’ll do this for you if you give me that in return. And that could be anything from money to make me feel a man, make me feel a goddess, make me feel important, sexy, smart, you name it!
And we all know how long that pact lasts. So, you buy into the same old pact with the devil by selling your soul satisfaction for material rewards based on an unchecked belief. And you cannot check that belief because you lack the skills of thinking by yourself, of coming to your own conclusions after experimenting with your thoughts and desires. Because that freedom of thinking and forming your own conclusions and beliefs was the first thing you sold out. You took for granted what they told you and stood away from what they stood away from.
“Love doesn’t last” is a truism only because you lack the ability to love and know love. Because love and truth are inseparable. And when you are not truthful to yourself, and haven’t been your entire life, you are not a loving or a lovable person. You are a salesman.
For you to be loved, I mean the real you, the human, not the avatar you hide behind, you need to be seen. Or you’ve worked your entire life to sacrifice the real you. So even if somebody sees behind the social avatar, you will not be open to receive that love because it doesn’t match the job description. Your definition of love is a conditional exchange of self-sacrifice and compromise.
I’ll love you if you have the same or higher social status, beliefs, habits, interests.
I love you if you give me the undivided attention I never gave myself.
I love you if you trust my judgement more than I do.
I’ll love you if you do what I want.
I love you if you like what I like, or at least pretend.
I love you if you don’t confront me.
I love you if you don’t challenge my beliefs and behaviour.
I’ll love you if you stop being you and become the avatar of the partner I need.
Because the system brainwashed you to believe that you can only be loved if you stopped being yourself and become like everyone else, when you finally become an adult to decide for yourself, you claim dividends from that investment. You require from your romantic partner the same self-sacrifice you had to pay to get there. To prove to you that they deserve your investment in them, they have to abandon their identity in the service of building yours. Just like you had to do to get there.
And here is an even bigger lie: We fall in love with people “who see us for who we are”.
That’s a lie! The truth is that you fall in love with people who see you for who you used to be before selling out! That’s the thing that attracts you the most to someone. That’s how affairs happen. And that’s how career changes happen too. Someone from outside our environment, someone we’ll never mix with under normal circumstances crosses your path and challenges all our assumptions. You fall madly in love not with them but with the image of you that you saw in their eyes. You fall in love with the person you could have been. And you are faced with two choices: raise to that potential, drop the avatar, the false self and its shiny cage and become that image you fell in love with; OR stay the same to keep your privileges and status and live secretly in the fantasyland, dependent on the person who mirrored that image.
That person is not your ideal beloved. The ultimate beloved in this secret relationship, in all relationships, really, is the refection of the ideal you that they mirrored.
Nothing compares with the love of a child. Why? Because they love you unconditionally. They have no filters, no agenda, no judgement. They love You, not your avatars.
Why are people happier in their affairs than in their marriages? Because they can be themselves. They can show weakness and vulnerability, they can cry, they can be spontaneous, they can explore the versions of themselves they have repressed; they can be late, they can say “no”; they can show up only when they feel like. And more importantly because they have the freedom to leave the relationship without consequences.
It is freedom people are after, not sex. If you met someone who really makes you feel seen and understood, you’ll know that your connection is of a higher vibration than sexual chemistry. You communicate at a soul level. You don’t need sleep or food, or sex, you hit the proverbial “living with air”. You are so energised, so full of life, and yet you don’t consume. You generate! And people can’t maintain that high level of communion for long periods because that meeting with the authentic self happened out of nowhere. They weren’t in the deliberate pursuit of authenticity. They were just at the beginning phase of awakening from the collective trance. That stage in life where you know life is not supposed to be the way it is, when you crave something deeper, but don’t know what or how because you haven’t done your inner work to figure yourself out. You haven’t done your reverse engineering self-discovery to realise the level of programming that has gone into you to get to the stage you are at. You haven’t yet had your Conversations With Self. So, before you know it, ‘the real life’ kicks in and you are forced to make a decision: stick with the program and support the consequences, or choose your path to inner freedom and pay the social price? Either way, there is always a price to be paid. Question is, which one are you willing to pay?
Nr. 4: Medicate and meditate away the consequences of your sell-out.
Living someone else’s life and dreams has its consequences: stress, sleep problems, anxiety, depression, personality disorders, addictions, feeling lost and suicidal.
All our problems – personal and social – come from this pact with the devil. Are your studies, relationships and jobs making you miserable and depressed? Here is your diagnostic and here are your meds or therapy – when these symptoms were only trying to attract your attention that you are on the wrong path. But because you have invested your life in this pact with the devil, you ignore your Jiminy Cricket and do all you can to shut it down.
Before this “mental health” awareness campaign, we used to manifest the consequences of our sell-out through physical illness because that was the only socially accepted and expected form of imbalance. Since “mental health” has become a slogan, physical illness has fallen out of fashion, replaced by “mental illnesses”. If before you had a weak heart or immune system, now you have depression and anxiety. If 1 in 4 are suffering from depression, you are merely part of the statistics. And if they show their pills and parade their mental illness on social media, and if even the royals have it, then it’s no longer a matter of you not living your truth, but a matter of a mental illness pandemic.
And it has become a pandemic because more Jiminy Crickets try to wake their Pinocchio’s: “Wake the hell up! This is not how you are supposed to live. This is not what life is about. This is not what you are here for!”
Nr. 5: Play it safe. Don’t fully commit to either your social avatar or your authentic self. Spend your life in the in-between stage and vote with the side that suits you best, based on your interests.
Take your Jiminy Cricket’s message, do your inner work, have your epiphany, embrace your gift, and then water it down to fit the accepted norm.
Basically, sell out again after your awakening, afraid of not making it in a society ruled by money and avatars. Try to force an arranged marriage between your truth and the sellable version of it. Do you, help the people with your unique tune – because that’s why you are here – but not too loud to awaken the dragon, the force behind the avatar system you’ve just escaped.
I am the best qualified to speak about this because I made all these mistakes, and I was about to make the last one.
Since I was 3 years old, I knew that I was different and that I am here with a mission. No matter what happened in my life, that deep sense of urgency toward my mission and purpose never left me. I was an odd child, a misfit; I was talking to nature and its creatures, I was telling people about different places where alien crafts crashed, I was experiencing different states of awareness – from out of body to out of this world, and apparently, as a child, people healed and felt better simply by being in my presence.
** For more about the rest of the journey, you could read in the Conversations with Self Book behind my Method for healing depression and all mental health conditions in 12 weeks.
And as it happens, family and school have cured me of that uniqueness.
I had to choose between being an outcast for the rest of my life or have some sense of normality. I chose the latter, trained in two systems of law to become an international lawyer, I married a successful professional husband…and fell so ill and depressed that I was dying of an unrecognised condition. In 2 weeks I went from 63 to 48 kg dying alone in the house with my 8 years old daughter while fighting an acrimonious divorce from my narcissistic successful husband.
I had a near death experience, I recovered my authentic self and my life purpose; I wrote 4 books, I healed hundreds of people of “untreatable conditions”, I helped paralysed limbs move again in 4 sessions! I created my CWS Method® based on my NDE, my results and my communication with Self/Source since, – and I was about to sacrifice it all again by fear that my truth and message will cost me my reputation and livelihood. My reputation amongst the intellectual community because my therapeutic practice is rooted in my spiritual experience, or spirituality amongst intellectuals is a dirty word. And my livelihood because I’m yet again an outcast. Not pro psychiatry or classic therapy nor a new age lover. For those interested in spirituality my message seems ‘to cerebral’, to complex, requiring self-reflection and deep think, which, truth be told, in the spiritual community is quite unheard of; and for the proud intellectuals it is a tad ‘to philosophical and out there’(meaning, if it’s not a NY Nr.1 Bestseller, a Ted talk or a peer-reviewed paper, they won’t bother looking into…until their s*** hits the fan.
I had a heated debate with a new age ‘healer’ who said that my style is too direct and regimental, that not everyone is ready to hear the truth, and that ‘people buy from those who tell them what they want to hear’. She was selling angel card healing and channelling an entity of whose origin she refused to talk about, telling people soft, pleasant lies. I called her dishonest and irresponsible for playing on people’s credulity and vulnerability. She called me a stuck-up moralist.
I’ve been toying with this dilemma since my NDE, and I have to make a call: go fully into my message and method and take the kamikaze ‘happens what it may’ approach, or sell-out again, play it safe and stay within the mental health field, neglecting the bigger spiritual message I’m here to deliver?
Another illustration of this sell-out is in the woke movement of the internet televangelists.
If in the first social construct you had to sacrifice your authentic self, work hard to gain skill and knowledge to practice an approved profession, with the internet, everyone has become a specialist in everything, and their ‘authority’ relies on subjective virtual proof of likes and followers and not on objective hard evidence of them actually being good at what they are talking about, in practice.
In the first industrialised and corporate social construct your worth was measured by the number of papers you’ve accumulated, your degrees. In the internet social construct, your worth is measured by the number of likes and followers. What has changed? The means of delivery. The base is the same: Follow the trend, follow the heard. Your worth is not evaluated by your real skills, but by how popular you are. And you can only get popular by telling soft lies, not hard truths ,– from politics to sales, so, your opinions and health are now in the hands of this hybrid new species of ignorant, money and fame hungry, self-deluded internauts.
They teach you that to be able to help others, you have first to become famous.
You have to get your 1 million followers if you want to have credibility. And you can only reach those numbers by telling them what they want to hear – again, and again, and again… This internet credibility is just a different version on the same old social construct “do what others do, don’t rock the boat”. Say something revolutionary but not so revolutionary that it requires people to look in the mirror. Say something scientificky but not too detailed to force them to think – God forbids. Dump weekly truisms taken from sources you don’t give credit to, and voila! You are an influencer, an authority in mental health, personal development and spirituality.
Because I am not willing to play this game – because in the end is the same old game dressed differently – I wasn’t willing to conform. I don’t believe, in fact I know that my role is not in getting into the new rat race of fighting for likes and followers. If in the industrial and corporate rat race you fought for getting the degree and the 9-5 safe job, in this new internet travesty you are kept in the same old competition and dog eat dog mentality, only that you are now competing for “fame” instead of a job. Your new job and income depend on how “famous” you are, how many followers you have. Or to me that’s part of the madness I’m here to cure!
And there you have it. 5 sure ways of how not to find your life purpose.
I’ve used reverse engineering principles also known as inverted thinking because we are quicker to remember the negatives than the positives, so you could go back in your life and check how many of those are you guilty of.
Let me know your five strategies of not living your truth and how this affects you.
Until next time, stay well,
Gratiela Rosu – CWS Method® – 90 Days Depression Free Program
