Drifting and Apathy

A long title, I know, but one that encompasses the ‘vibe’ in our present world. The vibe in most workplaces. The vibe in most households. The vibe in most social interactions, nowadays. More importantly, the vibe behind the pandemic of mental health conditions.

“The employers should offer more mental health support to employees.”

“The government and the NHS should do more to address the mental health crisis.”

But what do we do about it?

Because while it’s true that we have a surge of narcissism in the workplace and that most work environments have become ‘radioactive’ as a result, those problems, most mental health problems including the ‘work-related mental health conditions’ are imported from home. From one’s childhood, carried in one’s marriage and toxic relationships resulting from our unaddressed childhood wounds.

Work only gives us the opportunity to leave those problems behind. At least from 9-5. If extra hours and travel are involved, ‘even better.’

Work allows us to play ‘hide’ without the ‘seek’. It provides us with the modern version of the Venetian Masquerade where we can put on a mask and pretend that we are and feel better than we do: ‘Fake it until you make it’.

Little matters after you’ve made it if what you’ve made it in is a true or a fake version of who you are and who you were meant to be. You’ll have some time until the second existential crisis kicks in to tend to that ‘woke problem’. Until you will no longer be able to keep the mask on; until the marriage falls apart; until the kids are condemned to the same scenario you vouched to preserve them from; until you can no longer function and are clinically diagnosed with whatever label from the nearly 300 ‘mental illnesses’ in the DSM V.

No one makes self-knowledge and self-development a priority until the consequences of our (and others) self-ignorance brings us to our knees. “Why fix it if ain’t completely broken?”

Deep down, we know that we need fixing, and urgently, but that requires work. Serious inner work. It requires facing our hard truths. It requires taking the mask off and exposing ourselves to the world and the mirror as we are. So the demon of drifting and apathy takes care of that.

“Yeah, but people don’t have the time and money to tend to their deep seated issues.”

Not true!

I’ve met young clients for whom the parents were willing to foot the bill for the effects of their unaddressed issues on their kids. Young professionals self-declared ‘depressed, unable to connect with others, lacking direction in life, and occasionally having suicidal thoughts.’

I’ve been contacted by people failed by the NHS, in crisis, “after calling 111 and getting nowhere”, as they said, whom after over an hour on the phone (more than the classic therapy session), they’ve turned around invoking their lack of money to go ahead with the support they called for. And after offering them a free 3 hours session to help them gain perspective and give them the tools to recovery by themselves, they were very thankful, but they never sent that email where I could send them the link for the session.

Because they all heard that there isn’t a magic wand called “therapy” or “coaching” or whatever drug one may be prescribed to help them limp by. That their recovery requires skin in the game. If not with their money, with their earnest effort to dig into their unknown, face their shortcomings and part in the problem, learn the lessons, and decide from then onwards a new direction and a new set of rules to live by.

Is not lack of money or time that stops people from seeking self-knowledge and self-improvement. Is drifting and apathy.

It’s easier to go with the wind and then blame the circumstances than to put skin in the game and take the wheel.

One client wrote on the intake form the following concerns:

“Q: What is the problem leading you to seek help?

A: Apathy, low-self-worth, pessimistic, very low mood, low energy, anxiety. Lack of connection/ understanding with others. Life feels very aimless and pointless, no desires or hopes, aspirations and a lack of identity. Every now and then I have very low mood, where I don’t want to continue living. No thoughts of self-harm but thoughts of not wanting to be alive.”

They wanted to ‘test the waters’ and see what it would take for them to feel better. When they’ve heard the truth of the personal investment akin to the Hero’s Journey into their abyss, they’ve turned, “Meh, I’m not sure I have the time for all that. I’ve just started a job and I don’t want that to affect my work.” (?!)

Big Q: Is that person in the above description likely to perform well at work in that state?

The young person had the option to undertake a full personal development programme including therapy, coaching, and psychosocial and spiritual education involving all family members, paid by the father. The older person in crisis, on benefits, had the opportunity to receive at least a part of that help for free.

None jumped to take the offer. Not because they didn’t find merit in what they were hearing. After all, if one spends more than an hour on the phone and over three hours in a discovery session, the content must ring true.

When time and money excuses are taken off the table, there are only two excuses left: ‘spirituality’ and ‘personal effort’.

The very fact that we are living self-ignorant of our greater role in the universe and of our very science, is a spiritual problem.

Spiritual from my definition of spirituality: That which touches the fabric of our existence, the quest for meaning and purpose, and the moral duty of finding what those are to fulfill our potential, for the greater good. Not some beardy god in the cloud or some religious dogma. Pure and simple science. The higher science of existence, including the science of Self: what are thoughts and emotions, how do they work and how do they affect us and others; why we do the (stupid) things we do, and why we act like automatons out of control… You know, the basics.

Many people run the other way when they hear the dirty word ‘spirituality’. Proud atheists; sworn ‘intellectuals’ married to ‘show me the data’ intellectual laziness excuse for one’s lack of introspection and insight into the bigger picture science of existence, including theirs.

The real reason they conveniently hide behind that pseudo-intellectual excuse, however, is the fact that that Hero’s Journey into their Abyss would force them to face their demons. Would ask them to pay their pound of flesh for the pact with the drifting and apathy devil. And that, for most, would mean demolishing the entire ‘fake it till you make it’ echafodage on which they’ve built their identity and social avatar persona.

That’s why only when we are completely broken, when all boats and bridges were burnt, are we willing to take and do anything, no matter how esoteric and crazy, to get out of that inner hell we’ve condemned ourselves to.

And even then, the devil still has one card up his sleeve to trick us back into drifting. That’s why the new age and faith-based healing industry, just like their sista’ Big Pharma, is a trillion dollars business.

Because it’s easier and more appealing to rely on someone else to do that dirty job for you. Whether the dead relative, the magic potion, the antidepressant, the CBT, the ‘how to make a million’ professional coaching, or the good old ‘Law of Attraction’, as long as it doesn’t take looking into the mirror and breaking the self-transformational sweat.

That’s why I advocate for self-development and self-education into our science as a priority.

Employers can’t and shouldn’t be expected to foot the bill for your childhood issues.

Equally, employees shouldn’t be expected to foot the bill of their employer’s childhood issues.

Hell, no one in a presumably modern and evolved society should be made to foot anyone’s bill for their childhood unresolved issues.

And yet, here we are.

©2023 Gratiela Rosu, Founder of CWS Mental Health Method. In case you wonder what CWS stands for: Conversations With Self, from the eponym transformational book following my near death experience, after a lifetime of doing the exact things described here.