It all begins with the well-known adagio “change your thinking, change your results”.

We all seem to grasp the truth of this maxim, yet very few get its results. Why?

Why so many universal truths out there are endlessly shared or liked on social media, yet we seem to be in the same place as yesterday when it comes to new results?

In experimenting with this deeper notion of change, I have made a discovery which may well be the missing link to effective change.

I discovered that when I intended to change a behaviour, a habit, I was thinking, visualising, engaging as much as I could all my senses… but not all my senses really!

The missing link was my voice, or more correctly my inner voice and the tone, the style of language and the words I was using in giving myself the command.

This explained why so many therapists, coaches, doctors and spiritual healers are efficient with their clients or patients but not quite so successful when ‘treating’ themselves.

Change stems from the need to move away from an undesired situation caused by a conflict – being between thoughts and action, between intentions and results, being internal or external, in the rapport with ourselves or others.

When I deal with conflict in therapy or in my mentoring programmes, I begin by making my clients aware of the story they are telling themselves about that issue, and then present different perspectives which lead them to their desired results.

“What do I do so differently with others than I do with myself”, was my question. I obviously achieved significant results on working on myself, otherwise, I would not be here. However, the time I was spending on myself for the same results was much longer and more laborious than the one used with my clients.

In NLP terms, I was about to model myself as a therapist and coach to use on myself – as a client.

In retracing the process I was using instinctively with my clients, I came to realise that something was, indeed, very different, which I was applying to them but not to myself: the voice.

For the desired change to take place, the commanding or inspiring voice has to be different than the one who was running the show before.

This discovery made me feel like a child in front of the Christmas tree.
Of course! We use different voices, words, tonalities when we address others than when we speak to ourselves.

Take a moment now and check if your words, voice, the tonality with which you hear yourself reading in your mind this article would be the same had you read it in front of your boss, your teacher or a larger audience. Do the same and imagine reading it to a child. They are all different in tonality, tempo, volume, diction, etc.

When we address ourselves, our voice is casual.

Thinking is but the result of the words we are using – the “WHAT”. It is the quality of sound attached to that word (the voice) – the “HOW” that elicits the meaning and triggers the emotional response.

We all know that a no could take the meaning of yes, maybe, never and so on, depending on the intonation, the inflexions of voice and the volume we use.

Depending on these inflexions, we elicit different responses from those whom we address.

It is so simple! Perhaps the reason we have missed it so far.

It all begins and ends with ourselves, especially when it comes to thinking.

If using different tonalities and words, we can influence different results in others, so can we when we address ourselves.

Therefore, to change our thinking, we need to change the voice we are thinking with.


Casual talking never had the meaning of impressing anybody to change their course of life. How could we expect to change ours?

So now, after having experienced its results, I would change the well-known maxim to:

Change The Quality of Your Thinking Voice, Change Your Results.


Do you experience: lack of clarity and drive, indecision regarding your personal or professional life, fear of others, stress related symptoms, anxiety, depression, or do you want to advance your spiritual growth?

Have you tried all kinds of therapies, healing modalities, personal and spiritual growth practices only to feel more confused?

Try my first FREE email mentoring! 

You would be surprised how much could be done “in writing”!

You don’t need to travel; you don’t need to go to the end of the world to find yourself. All you need is the right perspective to make a life-transforming shift.

Just drop me a line with the email heading “Free email mentoring” and let me know what issue you would like to address.


May your thinking voice be a refined commander!

Gratiela M. Rosu

Author, Spiritual Teacher, Founder of CWS Coaching*


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